I just want to preface this first blog by telling you that I want to be as transparent as possible with my life with you.  However, there is a time and a place for every story and circumstance.  If I put it all out there up front you would not get the whole picture.  I will try my best to relate my feelings back to particular moments in my life.  However, I want to  make sure that a good portion of my real focus in writing these blogs is to I take the passion that I have for finding inspiring things in this all to mundane world, and to share those things with people who are on the same path (or at least want to be headed in that direction).  Througout these blogs I will spend some time going back and giving detailed personal information on some aspects of my life, but I don't want to abuse your trust and end up making you feel like you got suckered into taking care of the drunk chick at the party crying about her horrible life.  So when I feel I have a story that helps bring light to the point (not diminish the point) of a song, a scene from a movie, a piece of art, political perspective that I am recommending I will not hold back. 

If you want to follow my inner thoughts you should know where I am coming from.  Here is how I look at my life; Every day in an effort to feel like there is a greater purpose and stay motivated....I look for and try to keep my mind occupied by beautiful, inspiring, soulful, deeper subject matter thoughout each day.  I know that I have to go to work and work hard and be a good Mom to my 15 year old son, but I also know that I have a brillant mind, and if I don't stimulate it with things that make me feel more alive...than I am not living life to it's fullest potential, and for me feeling blaise about things leads to either stop trying to better myself, and that leads to depression because I know my own potential and I know what I want out of life.  I am writing this blog because I want to connect with people who are done looking for meaning and purpose in all the wrong places, who have accepted that there can be peace and serenity (even when your broke and can't leave the house) in all the raw talent that in our modern age we have just a click away from us.  Hopefully I will be able to connect with people who will broaden my horizons by furthering a discussion with their insight.  But I also want to connect with the people that feel lost and hopeless.  I am not saying that everything I blog will be your saving grace...but I also really want to reach the people that feel hopeless.  If I can share a song, a passage, or a really funny quote that for a small moment in time relieves some of the hurt and pain from your world, than this will not just be therapy for me :)  I hope that I can represent content in a way that you understand... 

The methodology  to the Monday thru Friday work routine is a nessecary evil.  Don't get me wrong, I love my job and when I am working I try as hard as I can to keep focused on my tasks and do the best job possible each and every day.  Personally I have found that it is easier  to stay focused when I know that I am going to have some down time to just sit back and enjoy life (even if it is not a great amount of time...I take what I can get!).  As a society we are so easily distracted from what should be our main focus because we allow the biased news organizaitions and ignorant people surrounding us on a daily basis to divert us away from what we should be clinging to...we seem more attracted to all of the negative things going on in the world around us...bad things make better stories right?  We unconscienelly allow ourselves to get sucked in to the point that we are depressed over things we have no control over.  We are a society that has more fun gossiping about something the more tragic the details.  I am not saying that these subjects don't need attetion!  The problem is that they just get discussed as gossip over a lunch break rather than a real meeting of the minds to put action behind stopping some of the travesty around us....k I have so much that I want to say....i need to practise self-control.  I will get to those topics during future blogs. 

What I really want you to take away from this initial blog is that I am only for talking about current issues facing the globe with people who are problem solvers and action oriented (if you want to be a coffee shop revolutionary this is not the sight for you).  If you are not action oriented at this stage in your life...no judgement, I would just suggest that you will just be better suited to my blogs about the cool shit that I have come across at that moment in time.  I just want to peal back the curtain a little bit and spread the good word about things that you may not be exposed to and show you (and myself for that matter), that there are things on a daily basis that if we take the time to look a litttle deeper, will make us appreciate the human spirit.  I want to insence you to strive for greatness because it is a great adventure.  I am not suggesting that we just bury our heads in the sand and listen to acoustical music and watch Anchorman all day (unless you are hungover or sick with the poo flu than yes that is exactly what I am suggesting).  I am just saying that we all are already surrounded by people who bring the negative into our positive.  We owe it to ourselves to seek out the good and celebrate it!  Celebrate we will cuz life is short but sweet that's for certain (just a small Dave Matthews Plug). 

 I plan to blog about things that come across my path that make me stop and think...and when I am done thinking...I am super stoked, or at least provoked to look more into something!  Sometimes I find insperation in an incredibly written and acted scene in a film that makes me think about things from that character or writers point of view.  The best movies to me are the ones that allow me to relate and empathize with the circumstances within the story.  Whether this feeling is evoked because I have expreirenced something similar and see it being portrayed is so raw, to the opposite exteme where perhaps my lack of exposure to what is unfolding is what draws me in.  I am an observer of our species.  I find a sense of wonder and appreciation when a film can make me feel like I know how the characters are feeling even if I haven't been through the same thing.  However, I also have to have that movie that makes me laugh so hard I cry and have to get fresh air to recover (or clean up from peeing my pants...just a little pee pants sitch going on ).  I love to laugh and I have a pretty warped sense of humor so when a movie can give me that much needed belly laugh (even if the laughter is from shock cuz wow they went there!) I will be a fan for life.  In a later blog I will at least try and begin writing about some of the best films in history...in my humble opinion...but for now I must stick to the theme of this entry, which is to at least let you know what you are in for if you choose to take your rare free moment to ride my brainwaves! Consider this my forewarning :)

Sometimes I find inspiration in a passage out of a book that I am reading.  You can ask anyone that knows me, and they will tell you that I am prone to pulling out a book and reading a small entry that really got my attenas up.  I try and read one book a week (sometimes more sometimes less).  People always ask how I can read that much and I just reply that when ever I have some down time I have a book in my face (i.e. smoke break, lunch break, late night sitting under my beautiful old tree, or early mornings where I go and sit with my feet in the water by the lake, maybe waiting to pick my son up from one of many soccer practises, long traffic lights...you get it).  I carry a book with me at all times, and so I am never caught off guard if I a random boring five minutes pops up!  No big deal here...you will find me reading (or staring for way to long at a hot dude). Sometimes passages will stop me right in my tracks and I will have to go and write it down in my notebook (if quiet contemplation is not an option).  I marinade on the passage and eventually will decide what it means to me, and sometimes it turns out that it is not as meaningful as I thought (especially if I have had 5 glasses of wine!), but at least it gets me to keep my mind active by working it out in my head.  For example, by the end of the book A Thousand Splendid Sons, I was so moved (by the whole book) but particularly when I read one of the very last passeges in the book.  I stopped what I was doing and wrote it down on a napkin in the break room of my work.  It stuck in my head and carried such meaning to me that by the end of the week I had it tattooed on my leg (picture will be uploaded).  The small little sonnet was written by a 16th century poet named Hasef, and reads as follows;  Jacob Shall Return to Canaan, Grieve Not.  Hovels Shall Return to Rose Gardens, Grieve Not.  If A Flood Shall Arise and Drown All That is Alive, Noah will be your guide in the typhoons eye, Grieve Not!  At the time that I was reading this book about the grave injustices done to the women, I too was going through a very hard time.  There were moments when I felt I had no fight left, I just felt empty and used...and the lack of fight in me scared me more than anything (you will understand when we get to know each other better that me not being headstrong and not rising to the challenge is rare and not a good sign..cuz I am one tough little lady...don't let the smooth groove fool you!).  When I read that passage, I just kept reading it.  To me it meant that no matter how bad you think things are, with patience and hard work, they WILL turn around.  If you think that you have it bad look back into history and read about the stories past down about our ancestors and how they fought and overcame...it is INSPIRATIONAL!  And for those of you who are reading that passage and turned off because you are thinking it comes from Christianity, let me drop a little knowledge on you.  That poem was written by a Muslim.  It is crazy to think that we have been engaged in a war of some form with a country that believes in all the same stories up until the New Testament, but the ages have proven that where you draw the line is the difference between life and death (sad I know!)  Every religion's Bible (accept for new wave Morman, and Scientology) have almost identical versions of the Old Testament...it is only with the new Testament that each Religion splits off on their opinion about what happened next.  For instance in the Koran it expresses that they very much believed that Jesus did many of his great works, and credit him to being an important prophet and scholar.  They just call Shenanigans on him being the Son of God.  Talk about going off on a rant...one minute I am talking about a passage the inspired me not to give up, and the next moment I am calling out hypocrosies among religion.  Better off letting you know that you will need to get used to this if you should choose to keep up with my postings. I am a work in progress...at least that is what my over- priced therapist keeps saying :)

Often I am inspired by a lyric from a song.  I can be just humming along and all of the sudden I will finally HEAR what they are saying and I am like "This is some deep content!"  I love listening to Pandora because I plug in the people that I like and they give me new artists that they think I will like (I have added my Pandora station as a link to this blog site so that you can listen to tunes whilst you read... or for when you are tired of reading and be like "This bitch is crazy!  I have 45 artists that you can select from and each artist you choose will uncover a treasure of new goodies and oldies that you have forgotten about).  Musically my biggest fear/joy is that I will never catch up, like there will always be something great that I haven't discovered and it is that thinking that keeps me always listening.  I am a fan of all sorts of music.  The bottom line is I need to feel one of several feelings 1) Like I could have written those lyrics myself, 2) The beat has to give me goose bumps, 3) I feel the vibe so much that I don't care what people think...I am dancing!  Music is the largest root in my tree of life.  In darker times it has kept me from ending my life....literally I would keep telling myself the next shitty song that comes on and this little lady go night night long time...but the bad track never came when I wanted it to the most, and it is like the universe hears me and doesn't just throw me a subpar track....it sends me those ones that make my whole spirit quiet. Storytime :)... I was a part of the late 90's rave scene so I always feel a need to be around people that are responding to the same vibe.  It was right around the time that I ended being a part of that scene that I fell back on an old comfort in the form of the Dave Matthews Band.  I still have the original Crash CD that I bought almost 15 years ago.  Their music was and is therapy for me, and it is because of them from I started looking deeper into that genre and came to find music that spoke to my soul and I couldn't imagine living without.  I pay homeage to Dave Matthews Band because it is where the title for this Blog came from.  My sister had a really shitty one bedroom apartment and when my parents were fed up with me leaving my young son to go party, they kicked me out, it was to her house that I crashed (many blogs to follow about the deepness of the bond between her and I).  To keep food in the house, gas in the car, and enough drugs to keep us from having to be sober for any period of time, I started selling drugs.  But don't let Hollywood fool you...in a small town on distributor level you can maybe buy a shitty car or furniture without a loan, but it isn't Scarface mansion money (it's pay your electric and water bill money)...especially if you are partaking in the product.  So anywho...my sister had left me alone to go to her part-time job.  I had a revolving door for several hours while I unloaded my product.  I tried desperatley to get some of the peeps to stay and get high with me and hang out, but nobody wants to hang with their lonley dealer (an example of why I related so much to James Franco in Pineapple Express).  So after my last appointment I decided that I had nothing better to do so I dropped three hits of purple gel tabs (acid people...the kind that if you hold up to a light you can't see the light through it).  We couldn't afford TV, so I put on the Crash albulm and I cleared everything out of the living room and spread out my sister's Chicago Bulls blanket...I lay on my back switch hitting between a cigarette and the blown glass bong.  I listened to the CD like three times in a row.  Although I was totally feeling the vibe (literally) it took the third time for me to actaully grasp and articulate the beauty of the lyrics, and allow myself to let down my guard long enough to be honest with myself about what was going through my mind...and it was this...I wanted to be like them.  I wanted to be a good laid back, driven, talented person.  I didn't want to be doing drugs in a shitty apartment on the shitty side of town all by myself, selling to people who aren't half as smart as me.  I had what I refer to as A STONED EPIPHANY, and although the change didn't happen overnight, or even within a year...the seed had been planted and to this day when I sit in my lovely little house and I am surrounded by the sounds of my sons laughter I feel like had it not been for that CD that night...I might not have survived if I had kept the mentality that was driving me....so naturally I tattooed the fire dancer on my back...so short story long...music can open you up if you are willing to really listen.

I also find inspiration by walking through local galleries and finding pieces that I could not even dream up in my wildest imagination.  Coolest art gallery card I ever found was for Center Ground Gallery...and there slogan was "Find Your Center...Stand Your Ground". 

I love...no I nerd out over good interior design because I believe that your environment plays a large role in the way you interact with other people.  My home reflects my inner goal...peace, serenity, and a little bad ass (that's were the Samurai Swords come into the mix).  My home is my refuge and so it is enveloped in meaningful decor that  makes me feel happy when I look around, wrapped in aromas that can stimulate or relax the nervous system.  I understand how important your one sqaure on this giant planet is and so I show it due respect.  So I like to share those visions and help people create the best space for them.  Helping to transform someone's environment can aid in them getting the motivation they need to make everything else fall into line...I love that shit!

I find inspiration in people who are going out and standing up for what is good, even when it seems that they are not making an impact.  People that are conscience of the fact that human life is precious and that as a race of people it is our job to look out for those who cannot look out for themselves...even if maybe it is self inflicted, but more often a result of shit just not going your way...People lose their way...We shouldn't look down on someone for needing food stamps or medical assistance, rather we should have the compassion to spend the time and get down to the route of where it all went wrong and heal from there.  I have been doing volunteer work as well as donating to Amnesty Internation for many years, and pre-warning...sometimes I will get worked up and want to talk about just that.

I am inspired by children who are given nothing but a bad deal and still remain kind and thankful.  It is these children that deserve our attention and focus because they have faced the same obstacles as their peers, but they have chosen to remain vigilent and uncompromising.

Inspiration is all around us, and all I hope to do is share some of what inspires me with you.  Some of it may not jive with you, and that's ok...but on the off chance that someone reads this and feels the same I look forward to your friendship and guidance as I continue my journey.  Some may finish reading this and think that I am a total nut job for feeling this passionetly about groups of work, and if so this just isn't the blog for you...but I have a have an educated perspective and my cats aren't such a great audience..and my Mom and my Sister shouldn't have to shoulder the burden alone :)  So moving forward I am not going to explain why I am writing something...you can just reference this blog...kbye!